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Happiness:七步快乐法 找一个口号快乐地生活

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核心提示:Be positive Positivity makes you more attractive and resilient, with lower blood pressure, less pain, fewer colds, better sleep. Increase the number of positive emotions in your day, however fleeting. One can lead to another and so on, until we're i

    Be positive

    "Positivity makes you more attractive and resilient, with lower blood pressure, less pain, fewer colds, better sleep. Increase the number of positive emotions in your day, however fleeting. One can lead to another and so on, until we're in an upward spiral of positivity. Take a moment to find the good in a situation. Don't over-generalise ('I can never hold down a relationship'), jump to conclusions ('I'll never finish this job') or ruminate endlessly. Any healthy distraction – a run, a swim – that lifts your mood is good."

    Barbara Fredrickson is Kenan distinguished professor of psychology, University of North Carolina.

    Be brave

    "Studies show people regret not having done things much more than they regret things they did. Why? We can rationalise an excess of courage more easily than an excess of cowardice, because we can console ourselves by thinking of the things we learned from the experience. We hedge our bets when we should blunder forward. In fact, large-scale assaults on our happiness – a lost job or failed marriage – trigger our psychological defences (and hence promote our happiness) more than smaller annoyances. The paradoxical consequence is that it is sometimes easier to achieve a positive view of a very bad experience than a bad one. And yet we rarely choose action over inaction. Knowing we overestimate the impact of almost every life event makes me a bit braver and more relaxed because I know what I'm worrying about probably won't matter as much as I think it will."

    Daniel Gilbert is professor of psychology, Harvard University.

    Meditate

    "Meditation helps us better manage our reactions to stress and recover more quickly from disturbing events. This is key to happiness. One study took people in high-stress jobs and taught them meditation for eight weeks: they felt happier after and even remembered why they liked their work. Before, they were too stressed to see it. Beginners can benefit from meditation, but it takes practice to see real benefits. I recently spent an evening with Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, the an lama dubbed 'the happiest man in the world'. How did he get that way? Practice. Observing his behaviour, I noticed he recovered quickly from upsets and this is one way science measures a happy temperament. If you start to get upset, let go of the negative thought, deal with the problem – and then let go of that."

    Daniel Goleman is a psychologist and author, based in Massachusetts.

    Be kind to yourself

    "The way we relate to ourselves – kindly or critically – has a major influence on our wellbeing, contentment and ability to cope with setbacks. If you're feeling self-critical, stop, take a few breaths, slow down and try to think of the ideal qualities you might have, such as kindness, warmth, gentleness. It doesn't matter whether or not you actually have these qualities – like an actor taking on a part, feel yourself become them. In a journal, make a note of what happens to your self-criticism when you do this. Then turn your attention to what you're about to do."

    Paul Gilbert is professor of clinical psychology, University of Derby.

    Use your pessimism

    "Defensive pessimists expect the worst and expend lots of energy mentally rehearsing how things might go wrong. But by doing this, they can improve the odds of achieving their goals. It's a useful skill for everyone to learn. Imagine what might go wrong in a situation by focusing on specifics. If you're terrified of public speaking, try to articulate whether you're afraid of fumbling with your notes or tripping on your way to the podium. Then imagine what happens next: if you drop your notes, will someone laugh? By doing this you shift the attention from feelings to facts, so you can plan effectively to avoid (or at least deal with) negative outcomes if they occur."

    Julie Norem is Margaret Hamm professor of psychology, Wellesley College, Massachusetts.

    Find a calling

    "Work less, earn less, accumulate less and 'consume' more family time, holidays and other enjoyable activities. Pursue goals but remember, it's the journey, not the end result, that counts. If your work is not a calling, can you reframe it to see it as more than just a pay cheque? If not, try to find a noble purpose outside work – religion, teaching, political campaigning. Find activities that fully engage your attention and you're good at: singing in a choir, painting, driving fast on a curvy country road. This is known as 'flow'. Happiness is not a shallow state of feeling chipper all the time, or something you can achieve directly. We need love, work and a connection to something larger. Get these conditions right, then wait."

    Jonathan Haidt is professor of psychology, University of Virginia.

    Act happy

    "My research compares happy and unhappy people, and underpinning this is the 40% solution: the degree of happiness it is within our power to change, through how we act and think. I've identified 12 happiness-enhancing activities – things happy people do naturally. They may sound corny, but they're scientifically proven. You don't have to do them all – decide which fit you best. One, express gratitude. Two, cultivate optimism: visualise a future in which everything has turned out the way you want it, then write it down. Three, avoid obsessing over things or paying too much attention to what others are doing. Four, practise acts of kindness – more than you're used to. Five, make time for friends; be supportive and loyal. Six, develop coping strategies: write down your feelings when you're feeling upset and try to see that traumatic events often make us stronger. Seven, learn to forgive. Eight, immerse yourself in activities and be open to new ones. Nine, savour life's joys – linger over a pastry rather than mindlessly consuming it. Ten, work towards meaningful goals. Eleven, practise religion and spirituality. And finally, exercise. You won't see the results from these activities right away: like anything important, you have to work at it."

    Sonja Lyubomirsky is professor of psychology, University of California.

    Be positive 积极

    "积极能够让人更加富有活力,更具吸引力,并且还能够帮助人降低血压、减轻疼痛、减少感冒纪律、获得更好的睡眠。所以一天之中要多几次积极的情绪,即使时间很短也没关系。一次积极的情绪会引发出下一次,然后是下下次、下下下次……直到我们的积极性得到很大的提高。遇到什么事情的时候,花点时间想想它好的一面。不要过分概括(比如想"我永远都控制不好这种关系"),不要妄下定论(比如想"这工作永远都做不完"),也不要总是不停地思考某件事。任何健康的、能够分散你注意力的事情都会使你的情绪好起来,比如跑步、游泳。""

    Barbara Fredrickson is Kenan distinguished professor of psychology, University of North Carolina . 芭芭拉弗雷德里克松是北卡罗莱纳大学凯南杰出的心理学教授,.

    Be brave勇敢

    "研究显示,如果有件事人们想做而没去做,那么他们的悔意会比因他们做过的事情而产生的悔意强烈的多。为什么呢?我们能够更容易为冒失找到合理的理由而不是过分懦弱,因为我们可以安慰自己说我们从这一次经历中吸取了教训。在前进过程中犯错的时候我们可以保护自己。实际上,对我们的快乐产生重大影响的事情,比如失去工作或者婚姻失败,要比那些普普通通的小烦恼更能引发我们的心理防御能力(从而提高我们的快乐感).这一矛盾的后果就是,有时候面对一件非常糟糕的事情中我们的态度反而要比面对一般糟糕的事情更积极。还有,我们很少选择面对事情无所作为。了解到我们高估了生活中某些事情对我们的影响后,我们会变得勇敢一些,也会更加轻松,因为我们知道我们担心的问题可能并不会像我们想的那样糟糕。

    丹尼尔吉尔伯特是哈佛大学的心理学教授。

    Meditate冥想

    "沉思能够帮助我们更好地控制自己在压力下的反应,并能够使我们从不安中尽快得恢复过来。这是快乐的关键。有一项研究是让人们从事高压力工作,并在8个星期里教他们冥想之法,研究结果是他们感到快乐,甚至记得为什么会喜欢这一工作。在此之前,甚至仅仅想到这种工作,他们都会倍感压力。初学者可以受益于冥想,但需要多加练习才能真正从中受益。最近我曾与喇嘛Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche这个被'世界上最幸福的人'呆了一个晚上。那么他是怎么做到的呢?练习。通过观察他的行为,我注意到他能够迅速从不安中恢复过来,这是一种科学的检验快乐气质的方法。如果有什么事情让你不安,不要有那些消极的想法,而是要解决问题,然后这件事就过去了。"

    Daniel Goleman is a psychologist and author, based in Massachusetts. 丹尼尔戈尔曼是美国马萨诸塞州的心理学家和作家。

    Be kind to yourself善待自己

    "我们对待自己的方式,宽容或者挑剔,对我们的保持良好状态、产生满足感以及解决困难的能力有很大的影响。如果你正在进行自我批判,那么停下来,做几个深呼吸,放松,努力去想像那些你理想中的良好品质,比如善良、热情、温柔等等。你是不是真的具有这些品质并不重要--你要像演员进入角色一样,感觉自己变成了那样子。你可以写日记记下你这样做对你的自我批判有什么影响,然后把注意力集中到你打算去做的事情上。"

    保罗吉尔伯特是德比大学的临床心理学教授。

    Use your pessimism利用悲观主义

    "防御性悲观主义者会把事情往最坏的地方想,并且他们会花费很多精力想象事情会怎样变得糟糕起来。但是这样做会使他们更可能实现自己的目标。这种技巧对每个人来说都是值得学习的。把注意力放在细节上,然后想象一种状况中哪些细节可能会出错。如果你害怕在公众场合发言,那么试着想清楚你害怕的事情,比如忘了台词或者在上登上领奖台的时候绊倒等等。然后想象接下来会发生的事情:如果你忘了台词,会不会有人笑?这样做可以将你的注意力从现实中转移出来,这样你就能有效的进行规划,以避免(或者至少能够处理)这些事情发生时产生的消极后果。"

    朱莉诺勒姆是玛格丽特哈姆马萨诸塞州韦尔斯利学院的心理学教授。

    Find a calling找个口号

    "少工作,少挣钱,少攒钱,增加家庭时间、节假日和其他有趣活动。追求成功,但要记住,重要的是过程而不是结果,这很重要。如果你的工作不是一个口号,你能重新审视它,把它看得只是比一张支票重要的事情吗?如果不能,那就努力在工作之外找个更高尚的目标,比如参加宗教、教学、政治活动。寻找能够完全引起你注意并且你擅长的活动,比如参加合唱团,学习绘画,在蜿蜒的乡村公路上飞快的骑自行车。这就是所谓的"flow".快乐并不是时时刻刻感到快活,或许有时候你能够直接得到快乐。我们需要爱、工作以及重要事件之间的联系。适时达到这些条件,然后等待。

    乔纳森海德特是弗吉尼亚大学的心理学教授。

    Act happy快乐的生活

    "我对快乐和不快乐的人进行了研究比较,证实了40%解决方案,即我们有能力通过自己的行动和思考改变的快乐程度。我已经确定了12种能够增强快乐感的活动,都是些快乐的人自然而然中会做的事情。这些事听起来很陈腐,但却被证明是很科学的。你只要找到最适合你做的那几件事情来做就行,并不需要这12件中的每件都做。第一,表达谢意。第二,培养乐观的态度,想象未来生活中每件事都跟你渴望的一样,然后想象中的未来生活写下来。第三,避免被过去的事情困扰或者过于关注别人的行为。第四,善意实践,要比你平时做的更多。第五,和朋友们相处,要对朋友支持、忠诚。第六,制定应对策略:当你感到不安时写下你的感受,并要努力明白,让我们受伤的事情往往会使我们更加坚强。第七,学会宽恕。第八,让自己充满活力,接受新事物。第九,品尝生活的乐趣,慢慢品尝糕点要比漫不经心的大口吞咽过量糕点更能让你感到享受。第十,为了某个有意义的目标而工作。第十一,培养宗教信仰和精神支柱。最后一点,锻炼。做这些事并不能让你立即看到效果,就像其他重要的事情一样,你必须努力去争取。"

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关键词: 快乐法 口号 生活
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