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核心提示:Sex is what life is all about. Every high street is dominated by shops selling clothes to make you sexier, beauty products to make you more attractive, cars to make you stand out, books promising you wit at the turn of a page. If you really look at

Sex is what life is all about. Every high street is dominated by shops selling clothes to make you sexier, beauty products to make you more attractive, cars to make you stand out, books promising you wit at the turn of a page. If you really look at life with a cynical eye, it’s all about being better than the next person, top of the heap, the alpha male/female, the most sexually appealing. So, if you really don’t want sex, is the world just not your sort of place? Not straight, bisexual or gay, Fyne Times takes a look at the fourth option.

“Being asexual is not being celibate” says Greg immediately, as if to set the record straight before we go any further, “I don’t choose not to have sex, I just don’t want it!” Greg is 32, perfectly healthy in every way and certainly not unattractive. But for the past six years, he has opted out of sex altogether, something any psychologist would probably worry about! Yet Greg is convinced that far from having a problem, he is simply following his own natural born sexuality. “The difference between celibacy and asexuality is simply the desire. If you are celibate, you are making the effort not to do something that you really want to do. I don’t want to do it in the first place!”

Like many LGBT’s, it was in his teenage years that Greg discovered he was different to other kids his age. “At about the age of fourteen, my mates started to cover themselves in deodorant, slick their hair down and start to get really loud and boastful when any girls were around. It’s not that I was scruffy or didn’t care how I looked, but when I combed my hair I was doing it for me, not to attract a girl.” By the time Greg was 18, he still hadn’t lost his virginity. Although not really desiring it, the peer pressure he was under made him feel as though sex was something he needed to do to be considered ‘human’. “I eventually got a girlfriend who was an admin assistant in the factory where I worked. The actual sex thing wasn’t much to write home about, but I loved the feeling the next day when I walked into work knowing I was at last part of the real world”.

For a few years, Greg carried on having girlfriends, but something was still amiss. While his sex life was certainly very healthy, his motivation to go out and find a girl was starting to dwindle. “I was in my local pub one night with all my other mates and there was a girl who was looking at me all night. I just thought to myself, ‘why am I going to go over and talk to her? What do I really want?’ I thought a bit more about it and realised that I wanted sex because it made me feel needed, not because I actually enjoyed it. As long as I was having sex, I was ‘normal’.” Over a period of a few months, Greg decided not to seek a partner and to simply do the things he wanted to do. When he met a man who labelled himself ‘asexual’, Greg realised that he was too.

Asexuality is a fast growing sexual preference. In a world that is screaming out that sex should be everybody’s raison d’etre, a large number of males, females, gays, bisexuals and heterosexuals are deciding that for them, sex just isn’t that big a deal. Figures prove that more people are becoming asexual, even if they don’t realise what it is! In surveys on sexual orientation, the number of people who ticked the ‘not interested in either gender’ box has risen from 1% in 1994 to 3% today. At that rate of growth, it won’t be long before there are as many asexual people in the UK as there are homosexual.

There is a correlation between the emergence of this new fourth sexuality and that of the gay movement some sixty years earlier. Whilst not on the same level as the suffering of the early gay rights advocates, prejudice is still very much a part of an asexual’s life. “My mates think I have got a problem and often suggest viagra! My parents are let down at the idea of no grandchildren. Sex is like chocolate; when you meet somebody who doesn’t like it, you go ‘what? No, you must like it! Everybody likes it!’” Some religious leaders have also spoken out against fourth sexuality. A US Christian organisation recently stated that ‘sexuality is a gift from God thus a fundamental part of human existence’. The remarks came in the annual magazine of the National Religious Vocation Conference and even suggested that an asexual was simply ‘not a person’.

Scientifically, asexuality has mostly been discussed in relation to plants, worms and other creatures that don’t need to have sex to replicate themselves. While the academic community are obsessed with who finds who sexually attractive and why, the concept of not finding anybody attractive seems to have passed most scientists by. But there are a few studies about asexuality out there. In the 1990’s a study of sheep in Idaho showed that about 10% of rams weren’t interested in ewes at all. Any dairy farmer will also note the rather unimpressed reaction of cows when a bull is introduced to the herd! In the animal kingdom, asexuality definitely exists.

But aren’t asexuals setting themselves up for a very lonely life? Greg disagrees. “There is no reason why I can’t have a girlfriend and even get married. If I wanted to, I’m sure I could have kids. It would only mean doing it once or twice, which isn’t too much of a stress! To be honest, what I want from life is a close companion, like the sort older widows and widowers have, somebody to share your life with, comfort and respect but not necessarily sleep with. Whether it is a man or a woman doesn’t really matter either. When I find somebody who feels like the other half of me, then I will stick by them and be committed, whoever they are. It’s actually not restrictive at all if you think about it. Any person of any age or any sex could be the person I spend the rest of my life with!”

To those whose lives do not have to include sex, the new asexual movement has opened up a whole new community. AVEN is a web forum devoted specifically to asexuals and is one of the first ‘community’ based organisations. On their site, other asexuals can discuss their condition and celebrate who they are, again mirroring the valuable outlet for the gay community that the worldwide web provides. In one such forum, a group in the USA have even speculated about the idea of setting up an ‘asexual bar’ where like minded people can mix freely and meet other people just like themselves. How long before there is an asexual pride? Greg smiles at the question. “Not long, I am sure. Everyone should have the right to shout what they are from the rooftops, let the world know that they exist and demand tolerance. Sexuality is no longer about whom you sleep with, but also who you don’t!”









对于那些生活中不想有性的人来说,这种新的无性恋运动为他们打开了一个全新的圈子。AVEN(the Asexual Visibility and Education Network无性恋曝光度和教育网)是一个专门面向无性恋的网络论坛,并且是第一个基于“(无性恋)圈子”的组织之一。在其站点上,无性恋者可以交换彼此的感受,并为自己引以为豪。同时也反衬出同志群体在世界范围网络上极高的曝光度。一个来自美国的团体甚至考虑要建立一个“无性恋酒吧”,在那里想法一致的人们可以自由交往并且遇到跟自己相同的人。离举行一场“无性恋大游行”还有多远呢?听到这个问题时,格雷格笑了:“不会很久了,我敢说。每个人都有站在楼顶大声喊出自己是谁的权力,让世界知道他们的存在,并宽容以待。性倾向不再是只关于你跟谁上床,也同样关于跟谁你也不上床!”


关键词: 时尚性 概念 无性恋
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