1） What's Said: "Maybe you're not trying hard enough."

    What's Heard: "This can come off sounding like you're passing judgment on effort," says Anderson. "It's better to encourage a single person to explore new relationships to the extent they are comfortable and to extend themselves in ways that feel natural and not forced."

    说者：也许你没好好争取。

    听者：你在贬低她的个人能力，你觉得她是个不上进的人。

    2） What's Said: "Wear more makeup."

    What's Heard: More than implying that the search for Mr. Right is as easy as brushing a spot of color onto the cheeks, this comment offends further by actually attacking a person's core identity.

    "A woman presents herself according to what she defines as meaningful. Whether her style is glamorous belle or au naturelle, every woman should be allowed to be herself. There's a man out there who is going to be attracted to her style, whatever it is. If she's presenting herself as anyone other than who she really is, that's false advertising and that's going to backfire."

    说者：多化化妆

    听者：找男朋友像涂口红一样简单，同时你也质疑了对方的外表。

    3） What's Said: "Get back out there!"

    What's Heard: This can send the signal that the single person is simply not doing enough speed or Internet or blind dating, or worse, that she isn't living a full enough life.

    "Singles are not by definition hiding out in their closets curled up in the fetal position all day," says Anderson. "Most are likely working, meeting friends out for dinner and events, working out."

    说者：多出去接触人群

    听者：我单身因为我不喜欢和人打交道，我不喜欢上网，我没有相亲，总而言之，我是个失败的人。

    4） What's Said: "You're too picky"

    What's Heard: This implies that at some point, a point that the single friend or loved one has reached, she is no longer allowed to be discriminating, says Anderson. "This sends single women the message that their time to be choosy is up, that it's now time to go out and pick up any chump."

    说者：你太挑剔了

    听者：我以前太挑剔，现在连挑剔的机会都没有了。

    5） What's Said: "Tone it down a notch."

    What's Heard: You ask too many questions. You're too intimidating. You're overly opinionated. You're too consumed with work.

    "This is interpreted by single women to mean that they have to dial down their core identity a notch in order to attract potential suitors and make them feel comfortable," says Anderson.

    "Suggesting that a woman reduce the fullness of who she is to lure a mate will lead to an inauthentic connection, and is a recipe for a disastrous relationship or marriage. Because really, how long can any person fake it and maintain a facade?"

    说者：要求低一点

    听者：我问的问题太多了，我的要求太高了。我放下身段就可以吸引异性，让他们对我有好感。